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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.