Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.