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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.