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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Find someone you`re good at.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.