Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.