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I just called. To say. I texted you.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.