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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out