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I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.