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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.