Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Mondays should start at noon.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.