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Does the Food Network deliver?
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.