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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.