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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards