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I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
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