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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."