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Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
In space they just call it "Jam"
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life