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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.