Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial