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Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
There is no time to check time
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..