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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
So much to do and so few alibis.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!