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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park