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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally