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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.