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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
My anger management class pisses me off
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.