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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.