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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...