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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is