Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Match dot com, but for socks.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.