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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.