Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.