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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know