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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.