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I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
My life coach just benched me.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.