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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Have you hugged you bartender today.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it