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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now Iām legally required to pee sitting down.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.