Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.