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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.