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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
My mind has a mind of its own.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!