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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.