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Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
High-five a veteran today.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.