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2 words, 1 finger.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
So can we just skip to summer now?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.