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The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
i like boobs
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....