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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
My internet goes out more than I do.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.