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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`