Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.