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Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.