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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.