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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.