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I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
why me is me ?
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.