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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.