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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
You make me want to be a drunker person
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
A man is as faithful as his options
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.