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My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I never finish anyth...............