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I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.