Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.