Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…