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When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I`m tired of things costing money
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.