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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.