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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
when in Rome get naked ;)