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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.