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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.