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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.