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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?