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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.