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I put the pro in inappropriate.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.