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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.