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Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
The best things in life require no pants.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?