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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!