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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?