Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Worry: a waste of imagination.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.