Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.