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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
I`m going to hell in every religion!
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.