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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Is there another word for synonym?
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
I`ve given up on giving up.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook