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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
My internet goes out more than I do.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.