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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.