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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I liked you better before we met.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....