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Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook