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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Where is the button to restart summer?
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.