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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.