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A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.