Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"