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¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson