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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.